If I had been told a few years ago that one day I would shoot and sell porn with my fiancé and then talk about it in a relaxed manner in public, I would have laughed out loud – but here we are. As a nude model, I’ve been in front of the camera for a long time, but the leap from erotic still life to pornographic moving images was a bigger one – somehow.

… the jump from erotic still life to pornographic moving images was somehow a bigger one.
At least that’s what I thought – but was in fact quickly proven wrong. “Let’s talk openly about sexuality” – that’s what I’ve always stood for, so why should it be such a huge thing to live one’s sexuality openly, to show it and perhaps even to help break up patriarchal structures in the porn industry?

Social norms and taboos

The answer is obvious: Because that’s what our society teaches us. Everything and everyone: r is sexualized nowadays, but when it comes to really talking about sexuality, really openly and honestly, the silence is great and the taboo even greater. And that’s exactly why shooting porn was never a ‘normal thing’ for me and my partner.

Others get together for brunch and we shoot porn or what?

Others get together for brunch and we shoot porn or what? You can’t do that – you can. At some point we just did it. It started of course with shy jokes – “hihi, imagine we would REALLY shoot a porno”, but soon jokes turned into concrete thoughts and concrete thoughts turned into the first script.

The moment in which we simply threw away the proverbial ‘red cloth’ in a high arc and used it as a base to fuck on was great, I’ll tell you. Above all, I will never forget our first shoot. Every time I hear the term ‘sexual freedom’ I think of that one day.

Shooting porn: for me sexual liberation

Because that’s exactly what it was: Birding for a piece of the freedom that society wants to take away from me. Simply strip off the ‘I’ formed by stereotypes and norms and become an honest, vulnerable and sexual self. And that with the person I love most. Priceless.

Birds for a piece of the freedom that society wants to take away from me

Our first porn was an outdoor movie and I can remember exactly how I experienced those moments with all of my senses. It may sound cheesy, but the cold and wet forest floor, the sounds of nature, the view of the sky and all that while I was one with my soul mate – that was just amazing.

I experienced the day like in the film – really crazy how something so forbidden and at the same time like the most natural thing in the world can feel. I still remember how overwhelmed and adrenaline-charged we were afterwards: almost as if we had just come from some kind of (sexy) bank robbery.

But looking through the material somehow calmed us down again because it confirmed what we hoped for: creating something that authentically shows us and our sexuality. Untouched, vulnerable, soulful. And yes – I’m still describing a porn here.

Untouched, vulnerable, soulful. And yes – I’m still describing a porn here

I am so grateful that we had the courage to take this step. Because, yes, our relationship has grown enormously as a result. To be able to be so open and honest with another person that you break socially imposed norms, cast off taboos and take a step towards sexual freedom together, that’s pure madness. And I wish everyone out there such an experience.

Maybe you don’t have to shoot porn for that, but in my case it worked that way and showed me in a unique way how much we trust and inspire each other.

A completely normal hobby

Now, a few months later, we’re still shooting regularly and with every new film I’m amazed at what we’re actually creating. I love how we develop both technically and personally with every film and that we are constantly learning new things from and with one another.

In the meantime, the whole thing has actually become a ‘completely normal hobby’ and I love the fact that we can talk completely unabashedly at the breakfast table about possible changes of position and camera angles in the next film, just like others can talk about the current news. Just like a normal thing.